CW 5: Discipline

"Through discipline comes freedom" - Aristotle

Lockdown is a lot. A lot of boredom. A lot of isolation. A lot of free time. A lot of procrastination and and and...

Before I left for Stockholm for a year I was working two jobs and doing 37 ECTS at uni, so needless to say my days were packed and I had to make use of every free second I got. I had days where I would go to uni, then to one workplace, back to uni and finally to the second workplace. So, whenever I would find any time, I had no choice but to use it effectively. As mentioned so often, with the ongoing pandemic everything is messed up. I can't manage to get the simplest things done. Taking out trash has become a big achievement and watching lectures are near impossible. I just hate staring at a screen, listening to some guy, pretending to speak English but it really just sounds German, explaining stuff that would be difficult in any language.

Anyhow, I was thinking about discipline and how it really has been the key to success for me. Like last year when I had my last exam for my bachelors and started studying three weeks prior. It was three weeks of torture, but also discipline and I ended up passing and finally getting my title. This week however, was sort of the first time since then, where I had to study that much for an exam and I just couldn't find any motivation or discipline whatsoever. So - surprise, surprise - I didn't pass and the next exam is coming up too. I'm questioning whether I'm disciplined enough at this point to study for that the way I should.

I enjoy discipline. It makes me be productive and feel good about myself because I get work done. Don't get me wrong being spontaneous and doing stuff just for the joy of it, is also part of my life. In these times however, I feel like if I let myself go and allow days where I don't do anything it harms me more than it does good, but on the other hand, these are hard times especially for our minds and we should not forget about our mental health. So, I am constantly torn between "I am being too lazy and should push myself more" and "I am being too hard on myself and putting too much pressure on myself". Well, so far I haven't come to a conclusion or solution so the story of discipline during lockdown is still being written and explored...

...so for now I'm a raider of the lost discipline